Sunday, March 13, 2005

why?

It's been about a dozen years or so since I first took claim to my faith, my beliefs, my very inmost connection to God. Taking inventory is occasionally good. My roots lie in storybook tales represented with flanel board representations of God unleashing time upon creation. As a small child, I accepted whatever adults told me was fact. Therefore, baby Moses being rescued by the Egyptian princess was as much fact as the tongues of fire happening in Rome. Also, small children have little concept of time and years... so all of this happened relatively close together. Eventually we stopped doing the Sunday school thing, the church thing, and anything about God. Nearly forgotten, yet very much a pull on my life. I still wanted to be the good girl, do the right thing, and live in such a way that my parents wouldn't question me. Yet... they did, and I rebelled as any adolescent does... boys.

Somewhere in the 9th grade I had an altogether seperate encounter. I was lying awake in bed listening to music, as my life was fixed very much upon the music surrounding me. The song sand about "Lord I, I love you, completely and forever more." With unexpected revelation that not only does this far off God love me... but that I am to likewise love Him, and that it could be a very near experience... this indeed was not what I was looking for. I wanted to know this God... had an internal craving to find out all there was about Him, and learn how to please Him. I was willing to lay aside my selfish motives for all that He needed. At that phase of life, I'd gladly throw down all I had for a good cause, these days... it isn't as easy.

So why do I believe in God? Why do I believe in Christ? Is it because I had great teachers, a Christian family, or some fanatical occurance that caused me to fall madly in love with God? Is it called being "saved" or "accepting Christ"? These very real descriptions do not apply in one small bit to my life. I spoke with God... said... I love You Lord... I'm Yours. I had no real reason to cry out to Him... life was comfortable and fine. I had no real pressing issues. I had no real expectations. Yet I knew... this is right. Stripping aside the desperate need for something to drive me to Christ... what I did have was the fact that the eternal all-loving God of the universe showed one unforgettable act of love to grab my attention. Long before I had the opportunity to turn away, or was even born, God knew every facet of my nature. He knew I'd run the wrong way, and that I'd go against Him knowingly. Yet... He chose to dwell among us. He chose to live in such a way that I could be with Him eternally...if I allowed myself to recieve the price paid for the ways in which I screwed up.

Logic holds great answers. If you want a theological debate... I can do my research and debate my case. (see Lee Strobel's "The Case for Christ" as a starting point). Yet... this is not adequate. Having knowledge of truth is meaningless without experiencing freedom. I can instead tell you that daily I speak with the great Love, daily we meet to discuss life or for me to learn more about Him. Until I returned the love, I could not comprehend that any of this could be possible. These days I cannot shrug off the idea that at all times, in all circumstances, and in more ways than I can yet comprehend... God is near and cares about me. All the methods we contrive to prove it will never satisfy. We don't look for mental food to nourish our weary souls. Rather... we look for spiritual satisfaction that trickles knowledge out to our intellect. The result is a life yielded entirely to the One who allows us to fulfill all that we were designed to do.

Currently listening to:
Waterdeep: I Could Run Away
by Don Chaffer

I could run away
But You would never leave
You would always stay
Right by my side

Everything I’ve ever wanted
I’ve found in you

And I need you, Oh I need you
Every step of the way


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