Friday, November 05, 2004

long days...

I've had a song from Teenage Politics (MxPx - Magnified Plaid) stuck in my head for a few days now... lingering and spinning about... causing me to realize that I still feel much the same as I did in high school.... Lyrics from "The Opposite of Intellect":

it seems so hard to get away
from last week and yesterday
I have to sit right here and watch it all go by
is this really happening? maybe this is just a dream
when i wake up ill be someone else

I don't want to grow up, not just yet
I don't wanna have to see your false sence of reality
I don't wanna grow up, not just yet
I don't wanna have to know how to play in your
game show

just don't ask me if you're getting thru to me
just don't tell me the way that you want me to be
you say ill fit nicely in society
you only took a superficial look at me

why can't i say i'm sick of you?
is it wrong to say what's true?
I'm skeptical about your point of view
teaching us not to reflect, the opposite of intellect
don't resist authority and you'll be fine
you don't want me to speak my mind.

I once adored this band. They conveyed my sentiments about dealing with life... and still sometimes do. I don't want to grow up, I don't want to be an adult, and I don't want to be responsible always either. Yet reality is there knocking on the door saying I have to, I need to for others... and for some reason, it is my purpose to be the adult I am. I'd love to go back to my days of college, when I had no Friday classes, no job, and no worries. I'd love to stay another day at just one of the many punk rawk shows....

Yet... here I am... being all tired because I'm up past 9pm on a weekend... go figure. I've had a long week of grading papers, getting kids to submit all their overdue work, and meeting all new students and swimmers. I've had my fill and want to hibernate for a while... but gaurenteed by Sunday I'll be awaiting the new moments of next week. It's not an easy place to be... stuck somewhere between carefree youth (or so hindsight seems) and being expected to be a mature responsible adult. I don't think I'll ever take it all that seriously. Yeah... I'll fulfill my obligations to society as an adult... but I'll still see my social life revolving around music, being loud with friends all night (or at least as I can stay awake), and in general having a fun time.

Time to go find the peace of God that passes all understanding, to rest in His presence until all the noise and clatter of life subsides for more than just a moment, and to listen to what He has to say. Dreams of the new heaven and new earth...


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