Saturday, January 01, 2005


I rang in the New Year in Baltimore...under lots of fireworks. It was a great time... a bit weird watching the crowd, but fun none the less. I've been pretty captivated watching how others act and react, wondering what really lies beneath. On the surface, most people seem somewhat pleased with life. There are some that love misery in one form or other too. As I watch the crowds, I wonder... where does my identity lie? Where does their's? For those that enjoy pain and misery, they will habitually focus on all that is wrong, and how awful life can be. I lived through this. The tumultuous years of high school left me focused on what was wrong with me, how terrible the circumstances were, and in general, a rather unhappy kid. Then I moved on to long lasting relationships... spent all of 7 months single through the course of 3 or 4 years. My identity was found in being appreciated. Each devistation sent me into a short but deep cycle of feeling worthless, and looking for a new person to become. Athletes hide behind their wins, preps hide behind the money available to them, misfits hide behind their guise as unhappy, and the band geeks... they hide behind their tubas. To make light of our identity is awkward... but the reality is... I'm still learning, life is what I make of it. How I choose to see things, myself, or others entirely depends upon me. Though the circumstances may not change, how you see them makes all the difference in getting through this process called life. Live on!


At 9:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do you hide behind?

At 3:57 PM , Blogger C. E. said...

I try not to hide my identity these days. For so long I wondered what others thought of me in a wrong manner. I do care how I am perceived to some degree... but not to the point of being hindered to just go on with life, as I once was.

My struggle with identity these days, I can't say no. I want to be known as helpful. I've realized that even this is a false representation. On my own, I can be helpful but will run dry, I will burn out, and I will become entirely weary and irritable. However, when I stop to realize that it is God in me that makes all things possible, that I am merely the vehicle He uses to accomplish His plans, then I know who I really am. My identity is in Christ. I want to mimic Him in all ways. He made time for small talk with the harlots, hung out with the outcasts of society and mentored them into outstanding leaders, and gave everything He had to love me. If He has done all this, I want to give it all right back by being a willing soul ready for His use.


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