I'm alive

I rolled my car over a hill. I was on Walker Rd. heading home from Wal-Mart. I had just gone over the bridge over 81, passed the gaurd rail, and lost control (while the roads were still fine). I was only doing 25 mph at the most, and the car was out of control. I am completely fine, not even a scratch or bruise. However,I have an unshakable headache, and my left shoulder/arm are rather sore from bearing the brunt (seatbelt). I walked away from the car. The roof isn't even dented, but the reveiw mirrors are broken off, the hood is a bit crunched, the front bumper is off, the headlights are broken, the airbags deployed, the back passenger door won't open, and there is a dent near the trunk. I think one of my tie rods is also broken. I described how to find the car to the police & tow truck, but it wasn't even visible from the road. I don't know if it will be totalled yet. It isn't paid off yet. Praise God I'm alive.... clearly it wasn't time yet... more to do.

Fix anything

Isaiah 58:10-12;: "A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places"
10If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down--and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.

11I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places--
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.

12You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again."

---

For so long I've felt dry and empty. I want to take it upon myself to save the world and fix everything. Yet, I am called to give myself away beyond the means I have, and at that breaking point the streams rush through. The life that often feels dark when I don't see results that I expect will shine brighter than the noontime sun... revealing that it is God in me and nothing of my own abilities. God will show me where to go... give me the ability to fix anything, and make life more bearable. He will do all this, and more... if I'd get my will out of the way.

Crazy out there

Peace, Be Still by JLM

After a day of tending sheep,
They went to the boat to get some sleep
A furious storm arose outside,
The wind shook as they ran to hide
They went to see where He was,
Asleep in bed, oh where’s the trust
They woke Him saying, it’s crazy out there
Don’t you know or don’t you care
He rebuked the wind with quite a thrill

Oh peace, peace, peace be still
Oh peace, peace, peace be still
Oh peace, peace, peace be still

They led him away with a crown of thrones,
King of the Jews and Lord of Lords
As they nailed His hands to the boards
They jeered on as His mama cried
He looked so pale, and started to die
Father forgive them for they are lost
And then He breathed the final cost
As His last words rang with a quiet chill

Oh it’s crazy out there…

Well I trust in myself to carry the load
But I fall on my face cuz I cannot walk
And all the falsehoods that I showed
When all You heard was mindless talk
Feelings of pain are deep inside
But I release all of my selfish pride
I gave You all the love I had
And You took it, even though I was bad
So I’m down on my knees just beggin You please
That You’ll take all of the sin from me
Use me, however You will, and I pray that Peace is Still

---

This was one of my favorite songs in 1998... and in light of the current chaos I desperately want to stop... I too pray that somehow Peace is Still.

relax

Another day of stress. I think the days when I post, I seem to be venting about all the insane stuff going on. I continue to see God working in small ways though as I go through this process. I realize that much of the stress is beyond my control... yet I am the tool being used. I am just along for the ride, though I may be the vehicle being used.

I've seen a few small changes that have huge implications. A few hearts are softening on matters of faith, God, and all the rest.

Still, I realize how human I am. I want to fix it all... I want to remain the strong one for others.... I want to be the one to point them to Christ. Yet, I drop it all to realize I cannot change hearts... that isn't my job. I can't fix it, I'm not capable. I can't handle it, I'm too human for that. Standing before the cross I realize, He wants and is very capable to do all this and much more. I am created to crave His love, enjoy His presence, and be delighted when He does more or I do see progress. Until then, I am satisfied to know He is the reason, the driving force, and motivation.

Romans 15:13

Romans 15:13: "Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!"

In the past week a barrage of seemingly hopeless circumstances have come to the forefront of my attention. One area of my life is out of order, and thus causing my own frustrations. Yet during all this, I am also bearing the brunt of two people facing overwhelming issues within their lives, and another torn between reaching for dreams and being satisfied with temporary distractions. I have run my race, and feel as though I am ready to collapse. Perhaps the sign that I am most effective at my weakest. It will only reinforce that nothing is about me... everything is about Christ. I cannot resolve the burdens around me, but I can make my pride fall down at His throne to allow His strenght to come through me. I am in need of being filled up with His joy in a dark hour. Cause me to lift my eyes to my Hope.

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